You're caught in the rip tide of modern life.  That awful place between functional alcoholic and under-achieving post-college professional adult.  A prolonged adolescence you fear may last well over this "hill" you're supposed to be climbing right now.  It feels so stupid and alone.  Everyone becomes a manifestation of something you hate about yourself and you find yourself fighting to relate to just one other human being who can even come close to understanding this bullshit life you once willingly, even eagerly, immersed yourself in but now find drowning you.  Those swimming lessons your dad made you take during the summer (while he was slaving away and sacrificing his 20's to make sure you and your borther could grow up with all the advantages he didn't have) will sure come in handy right about now.  Treading water, floating on your back, taking a dive.  Who knows.  Maybe you'll get lucky.  Maybe this stagnant water isn't putrid with bacteria and disease.  Maybe you won't die before you reach the shore.

melancholy moonshine

Disappointment bubbles up in me like acid reflux
I am drunk on resentment and now
it's three a.m. and I'm calling your house to
tell you that I love you and to leave me alone but
your mom answered so then I
just breathed heavily into the phone and
listened to her bad words until she hung up and then
took another swig of melancholy moonshine
homemade angst - bottled up inside and fermented for years until
it is an 180 proof malt blend of all the
nastiness I ever thought and all of the
anger and self-pity and doubt and worst of all
the ghost of you